but truth is, jealousy gets you nowhere. and it’s gotten me nowhere so far.
if you ever happen to experience something along the lines of jealousy, just find it in yourself to understand every side of the situation and how people’s minds work. a lot of times, what you notice is something that didn’t mean anything at all.
a lot of my friends have crazy body languages that say one thing when they mean the exact opposite.
don’t rely on what you see, rely on the truth.

“I was always jealous of something getting more attention.” – Robyn Hitchcock

sometimes, though, jealousy can work to your advantage. it can show you how much you truly want something, or how little you actually want it. either way, don’t let it consume you.
step back and write your feelings down. that always helps me.
in the end, I guess jealousy is an inevitability for everyone at some point in each of our lives.

I personally think that you should only say sorry if you truly mean it and you will never do it again; I don’t find the sense in apologizing for something that you’ll do over and over again. if you truly learned your lesson, then you should keep it with you and there shouldn’t be a question about you being a repeat offender of whatever it is you did.

“being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it.” – Douglas Horton

that quotes stands near and dear to me because I feel that if you are mature enough, you really shouldn’t do things that should make you feel sorry. I’m not saying I’m mature at all, but I guess it just boils down to people’s expectations of each other.
that being said, in an expectation-free world, no one would expect an apology or an acceptance.

I, personally, split my friends into various categories; I have friends that have known me for a long time, friends that share my like for all things seemingly morbid, friends that joke around with me about every thing possible, etc. etc. etc.

I find it kind of hard to keep the boundaries I’ve made within my personalities because sometimes one group of friends won’t really react as positively to how I would act around another group of friends, if that makes any sense.
I like to think that all of my friends understand that I’m quite complicated and quite often misunderstood (even by myself) and this goes for everyone as well — people aren’t just a plain surface with flat-out likes and dislikes; we have dimension within our personalities that make us who we are. in fact, I believe that in order to stay true to who we are, it’s imperative to have different groups of friends that can effectively cater associate with your different complexions.

but when you stretch yourself out so thin, you begin to question your personalities as a whole; you understand yourself as individual personas, but can’t quite piece the clippings to the big picture.
it gets easier with time, though, as long as you’re willing to understand yourself.

back home, I wear make-up to make my self – my skin specifically – more cleaner-looking (if that’s even a word) to almost strike back in a small way to those I repel. it’s almost like me telling them that I’m simply not going anywhere and that I’ll always be open to new things and ideas unlike them.
“them” can be anyone, honestly. someone on the street, in a car, in the supermarket, etc. anyone who throws a dirty look my way.
with strangers, it’s either love or hate and there’s rarely a grey.

at college, no one judges me at all and so i don’t find the need to prove myself in any way. I’ve said this many times before, but it’s a great feeling… being accepted.

I think what I’m trying to get at is that you should really accept yourself and you shouldn’t quite depend on others to do it for you. in the end, your opinion is the one that should matter the most to yourself.

I know that a lot of people try to buy other people – in the sense that they buy them exactly what they want, expecting love in return – and that’s just not how it works.
I suppose that it all stems from a combination of materialism and the need to feel recognized, but that’s just my opinion.
the receiver wants stuff; that’s how consumerism works. they see other people with it, they get jealous, they do whatever it takes to have better stuff than them.
the giver just wants to get that recognition of not necessarily doing the right thing, but giving them exactly what they hoped for. they expect the recognition to feel better than the natural happiness that comes with gift giving.
in the end, both parties can be selfish, but it all starts with trying to buy someone’s love, or even happiness.

sure money can get you a lot of places in life, all material. but nothing can get you the ethereal pleasures in life without you working for it, the old-fashioned way.

“the truth is we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.” – RuPaul

to chew off of that quote, I think that as a spiritual being in human form, I’m entitled to my own opinions on the world and myself. when I put on my make-up, I just like to make myself more attractive; I don’t necessarily think to make myself attractive (if that makes any sense).
to clarify, I don’t put on make=up to be attractive, I put on make-up to enhance what’s already there, you know?

taking that into consideration, I think that when I say “you’ll never see me without make-up”, I mean that I’d rather show my enhanced beauty than my untouched beauty. everyone’s a bit self-conscious and I’m no exception. I do have to shave everyday and I do have a good amount of discoloration on my face, I feel that the fact that I’m able to admit my visual insecurities without fail and am moved to not really hide, but just improve them for my personal pleasure makes me a more self-aware, self-satisfied person. and that’s what I’ve aimed to be from the beginning.

there are men and women out there who don’t wear an inch of product on their skin and shine through the world like cover models. make-up is an option. if you choose to wear make-up, for example, or paint your nails, work out, get extensions, plastic surgery, etc. I just want you to know that in the end the opinion that truly matters is your own. I believe that as long as your completely conscious of your decisions and can hold your ground as I sort of did here, you can do whatever your heart pleases.
make-up, hair, nail polish are just a few things that I like to do. they’re not for everyone, but they are for me.

while I still don’t fully understand sports, I do understand that it’s important to let everyone to let everyone have their own opinion. and that’s why I stay shut when people talk about sports. I kind of don’t wanna get in the way of their conversation, but I can admit that I have a basic knowledge of all types of games so I can at least follow games to some extent if necessary.

I find that if you don’t like something you shouldn’t try and convince everyone around you that your opinion is boss — and this isn’t just for sports.
opinions sort of separate you from everyone else. and that’s what makes this world great. everyone has such different tastes that no single person is alike and, well, I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone’s the same. I doubt you would either.
what I’m trying to get at is the basic principal that opinions are something you just ethically can’t force on others. my whole family loves sports, from football to baseball. I’m the oddball out haha and they respect my indifference and I respect theirs. the same goes with me being gay. things just happen and people just feel different ways. no one should be put down because of their feelings.

“opinion has caused more trouble on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes” – Voltaire

now, loneliness is something I find myself experiencing all too often. if it weren’t for the sincerity of a friend, I’d be home alone watching the ball drop with my dog. a wonderful year of me being single has passed once more and I was only going to expect the same from this year until I had realized that it really doesn’t matter as much as I’d been making it out to be.
singularity is something we achieve as early as birth and lose at certain points in our lives, only to gain once more at the greeting of death. on a less morbid note, not everything’s about being in a happy relationship; sometimes it’s just about being happy. concentrate on finding yourself rather than finding someone else.

quite frankly, being alone isn’t something that you have to dread. sometimes it truly is better to be by yourself. it gives you a chance to get to know yourself better.
self discovery is far more powerful than many other things in life and I can’t stress that enough.

in any event, resolutions are something you do want to keep. and an easy way to keep them is to create a reward system for your accomplishments. if your resolution is to lose forty pounds, maybe you could treat yourself to a manicure or a slight shopping spree every time you chop off ten pounds. this will keep you motivated towards your resolutions and make them feel like less of a chore.
when resolutions feel like chores you tend to avoid them more, so try and look at your resolutions in a different light. think of them as goals, not drudgery.

going through all of the songs on my tumblr, I came across “the sun is down” by Yoko Ono. I love that song. it’s so odd, as everything should be, but it really speaks to what’s going on in my life right now.
the sun is setting and making way for a new day – a new year actually – and I can’t help but feel sort of accomplished in a way. so many new people I’ve brought into my life and a handful tossed out, all for the better of things. I know tomorrow will be the start of something that’s had a long time coming now; progress. progress in every aspect of my life that needs it.
I’m not embarrassed to say that I’m a bit selfish and emotional at times, or all the time, but that’s just the start. and it helps to know that I can simply accept myself for I am now and who I want to become in the near future.

I think everyone who has the ability to pass through to their next year in life should really appreciate what’s happened in their life thus far. experiences, good and bad, shaped who we were into who we are now and we should really take that into account when marching forward into the new year.